Searching for happiness

#100happydays

100 days of happiness

100 days of showing off

You can't be happy for 100 days solid

What happens on the 101st day?

This little project has divided opinion. My daily declarations of happiness have amused some, offended others & been a ridiculous source of comedy for a few. It's been a thought provoking ride for me personally and an interesting insight into other peoples judgement. When I embarked on this challenge I saw it just as that- a challenge. A throw back from my childhood I thrive on tests & targets; a definitive right or wrong, win or lose. I have since discovered that life refuses to work in this way, but occasionally my fierce competitiveness & desire to win breaks through (never play monopoly with me). I don't have teachers to grade me anymore so I self assess in areas of my life that have clear parameters & rules. 100 happy days seemed perfect. Post a picture with the happy days hash tag for 100 days and win! Apparently 71% of people couldn't complete this so I thought I'd try... To be honest I think the happiness aspect was secondary to the challenge of achieving, but this initial thinking dissolved into something much more profound on my happy days journey.

For years friends have told me I need to go to therapy! Despite the fact I recognise this could be an excellent move, a mixture of pride, laziness & finance have always stopped me. Similarly to many other people I have suffered from bouts of sadness at stages of my life. My manic condition swings from high energy hecticness to lethargic apathy, and though I doubt this can be beaten, I genuinely feel that these last 100 days have been a form of self imposed cognitive therapy. The notion of finding a piece of goodness each day has overwhelmed my potential woes. I have found myself waking up thinking about my happy moment, working towards it, feeling excited and creating a more positive disposition. Some days I have been spoilt for choice- being in Australia on holiday with great friends was a ludicrously easy stint. When people have implied I was 'scraping the barrel' with gym or book images incomparable to dramatic foreign vistas, birthdays & weddings- I have felt the complete opposite. It has been in the days of mundanity, I have best been able to search for my happiness. Even more so on my occasional days of listlessness alone at home, that I have had to wrangle with myself to find a happy moment and in doing so felt increasingly enlightened. Somewhat aligned to lessons of gratitude in Buddhism or gratitude lists in AA, I have worked each day to find goodness, despite life getting in the way. Can you find humanity and positivity on a daily basis?

I can understand criticisms and accusations of showing off- why the need to share so much? Recording each day in the public realm was a great incentive to keep going. If I stopped, people would know! Instagram, twitter & facebook could have been overkill but as a woman who has to inform people every time I go to the loo, it's hardly surprising. Perhaps over sharing is a symptom of our social media obsessed society, but I'm glad to have switched from my old statuses of hangovers & complaints, to putting a little more positivity out there. Though of course in many ways this has been a very private journey, I have relished sharing my story. I was deeply moved when a friend of mine said she was inspired by my adventure & other comments about individual pictures and general support for the project has been gratifying. I've genuinely derived an immense sense of pride in sharing these 100 days and I am thankful to those who have enjoyed it & supported me. 

I feel happy right now. I will feel sad again in the future. Possibly tomorrow or next week but I hope I have discovered an accessible way to diffuse my tumultuous character; perhaps this was the ultimate placebo? The standard of my life has not changed but my outlook has and with this significant shifts have been made. I've made new friends and lost old ones, fallen in and out of love, made adjustments to my career and started this little blog. My desire and zest for life has never been so strong and I'm enthused about the future. In all honesty, there is a part of me that goes into day 101,102,103 & beyond with trepidation but that's part of the fun! From the inane, nonsensical, breathtaking and sentimental, I will cherish these 100 pictures for a long time to come.

Fancy a try? http://100happydays.com/

All my happy day pictures are here, if you want to look! http://instagram.com/ameliadonkor

Britain may actually have some talent

It's easy to feel frustrated & neglected by modern day politics. A cabinet of only 3 women- thanks Maria (actually I'm not sure if that's sarcasm or not), ridiculous & irresponsible policies, imbeciles like Gove shaping the future of education & an overwhelming majority of privilege that most of us will never recognise. Many people have begun to give up hope, but my ideology has been reinvigorated from an unexpected source.

I've never been a fan of tv talent shows. For many who have spent time, money & immense heart ache training in the arts, it's disappointing to see new 'names' catapulted to success (albeit often temporarily) to tread the boards at West End theatres due to their profile. I can't help but feel that tv talent shows dumb down our expectations of what creativity is, negate the colossal work involved in honing these skills and most importantly create a culture of fame chasers. I don't necessarily blame the participants as it seems there is a massive appetite from the general public for this type of entertainment and if you cant beat them, join them! I recently had a friend in the spotlight of one of these shows & I very much hope they do not see this as an attack on their choice, their talent is not in question, just the way we digest it.

I've been pathetically proud of my ability to not follow the X Factors, Voicers or talented Britains over the recent years, but in this last week I couldn't help but notice Jermain Jackman. Firstly, he has worked with some of my friends so his presence on my social media feed was higher than normally expected in these things, and secondly after his win I read an interview with him in The Guardian. Surely any self respecting middle class leftie should take note? I did!

What's refreshing about this 19 year old is that he genuinely seems genuine! Granted I didn't follow the show but from what I've since read he didn't sell his talent on a painfully sad story, his niche was his politics. Yes, some of his musings are naive and slightly aggravating (don't get me started on free schools), but here is a young man unafraid to talk social inequality & inspirational politics in an engaging and relatable way; his voice is a very exciting thing. I always idealised the days of burning bras, people attending CND rallies & generally embracing the right to challenge the status quo. Drama school was not quite the socialist, creative arts hub I had hoped for and at best politically despondent, but it really feels like the tide is changing. Whatever your thoughts on facebook, people are now unashamedly declaring their feminist ideals, sharing controversial or challenging images, setting up groups to challenge racial inequality & in general talking more stridently about what they believe in.

We are all part of the same fight and Jackmans vigour I hope will be something that (those of us who care) will celebrate & not undermine because of his route to the public eye. None of us are angels & I've only just weaned myself off a hideous attraction to the Kardashians, but maybe a refusal to accept what we have been given in this society & a belief that our small efforts can induce change is the beginning of something special. Maybe politics can be popular again.

Perhaps we will be the generation that is talked about next century, that didn't let the world die, stopped the government imploding & started a revolution! Could Jermain Jackman make politics cool? I really hope so...