Don't call us, we'll call you (Or not)

Last week my agent let me know I didn't get a job and I was ecstatic. Not that I didn't want it, I would have loved to have been picked, but I was chuffed to confirm that this job was not happening. I was actually lucky enough to get some positive feedback (bragging) but that was a bonus, the real high came from a solid NO.

I'm a dreamer, a believer, the minute I get an audition I begin to imagine the enormous possibilities this meet will bring; the words I will read, the friends I will make, the places I'll see, the career I'll forge & the lovers I'll find. This meet is not just a scratch in the diary, it is the door to my (new) future. Now I know that this door is often closing before I've even knocked, but all I ask is to be informed when it's shut.

We're all talking about equality right now and great people are shouting great things, but with equality we must also fight for respect. An actor regardless of their race, gender, sexual orientation, hair colour, shoe size, whatever, deserves to feel that their part in the puzzle is recognised even if it doesn't make the final cut. I don't dare to understand the difficult & hectic world of a director/casting director/producer or any of the mystics that control my work load, but I do request a tincy bit more... We are all contributing towards the good of the work and play our parts to make the 'magic' happen. I read a play, research a role, take time off my other job, travel, talk and most importantly imagine! I would love it if there could be one more step in the casting process; a result. A generic email:

[Insert Name Here] has been unsuccessful on this occasion. Thank you.

I know I'm asking for more work but I really am asking nicely!

I had another audition recently (more bragging) with a director whose work is frighteningly brilliant and politically charged. I am in awe of him and his work, but I couldn't help but be disappointed when a friend of mine got a feedback text message via her father (who has connections!) and I'm still in the dark... Presuming I'm not the star of his next film and this isn't some elaborate rouse to highlight the social inequality festering within the middle class acting diaspora, I just want to be treated like a human being with the desire to know what's happening next.

Perhaps I digress.
Perhaps I am a pedantic narcissist who can't stop complaining, but Aretha Franklin had the right idea: All I'm asking is for a little respect...
And possibly an email.

To Be (Black) or Not To Be (Black)

I'm on the penultimate day of my holiday so I've missed the initial explosion that was Rachel Dolezal, but I would have had to be on the moon to avoid the full fall out. My reaction has been of incredulity and confusion, but there also seems to be a lot of anger out there. The concept of changing race is a bizarre one, but are we most shocked because 'why would anyone WANT to be black?'. As this story bulldozes the heartless prejudice against a young black girl at a pool party, and we are becoming increasingly aware of racial disparity, again who would WANT to be black? I have spent the last 9 days in Zambia and though on the whole I have had a joyous time, occasionally I have witnessed a shocking level of disrespect & disdain towards the indigenous people. What I can only describe as 'ancient Rhodesians' incredible rudeness and ignorance, made me question again who would WANT to be black?

Let's be honest the trend has always been to westernise and white'ise' from black. Michael Jackson (debatable), skin lightening creams (frighteningly     available in Africa AND Peckham) and the type of adverts I've watched today that show few or no dark black faces and certainly not at educated levels, recognise a white supremacy in our daily lives. 

I have known people of dual heritage in UK, to in effect disown the more foreign part of them and see themselves only as English. There are cases of children adopted into a family of another race who don't recognise any difference, even in skin colour. What about Mowgli?! I jest but there have been a number of stories about children living with and as wild animals in the last decade. The point is: We are what we know. Of course Dolezal's transformation was a manipulated one, but is it so crazy to believe that growing up with her 4 black siblings she developed an identity aligned with them. Watching (I presume) a generic discrimination towards her brothers and sisters both at home in the U.S. and world wide, her political and personal ideology perhaps grew into something that transcended race. Is that even possible? I don't know! 

I am half Ghanian and half English. Half black and half white. To some dark and others light skinned, and I suppose sometimes I navigate around the semantics of my race dependent on where I am or who I am with. In Zambia the guys selling curio love calling me 'Sister from another mother' and I embrace the African side of me!

Whatever her reasonings, Dolezal has proactively done more (this furore aside) campaigning for civil right and equality in her role at the NAACP than I have ever done, and for that Rachel I thank you. 

It may not be physically possible, but is it so bad to want to be black? That is the question.